so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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