I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
