Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
