on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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