I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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