Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
