Just cropdusted the office
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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