Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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