They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
