You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
