Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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