I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
