I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize