spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
