I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You dont lie about slip and slides
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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