His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
