i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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