dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
