I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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