I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
