I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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