The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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