I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
