after a month anything with tits is on the radar
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
