The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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