Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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