shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
