I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
