We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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