To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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