I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
