guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize