Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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