im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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