We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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