The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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