what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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