If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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