Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
