My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
