im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
