Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
