Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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