Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
