ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
