Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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