He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
