yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
