i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
