Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
