Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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