There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
