i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
