if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
