It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
