I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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