p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
