Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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