the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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