it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
