i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
