Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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