Don't you send me to vm
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize