My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
