I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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