Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
