Someone shit on the floor
Too much gin, very little bucket
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
