I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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