Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
