I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
