walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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