This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When are your genitals available?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
