I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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