As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
